It's Okay Not To Be Okay
I want to be real on my website and through these blogs posts tell you the truth. I don’t like to be fake or try and cover up things. It’s not always easy to share on social media, but I want to share my heart. My hope and prayer is that whoever reads these posts are encouraged. Sharing some of the things I went through that weren't fun isn't easy, but if they can help anyone who reads them, that would be amazing. My relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus has grown the deepest when facing the hardest and most challenging things in my life. Sharing about what I have gone through is proof there is healing and hope in Him!
I have recently come out of a rough season in my life this past year, and if I am being honest still I am going through it. After high school I took a gap year where I had the opportunity to go to a bible school. It was one of the best experiences I ever had. It was a 9 month program studying the bible with outreach programs and missions trips. There were 50-100 people about the same age from around the world studying the bible. The community there was extremely close because we were living in constant community with one another; we were growing and learning the same things for 9 months. This is where I gained some of the deepest and real/raw friendships of my life. I am still best friends with people I meet there to this day. I really learned what friendship means and the depth you can have when it's centered in Christ. I learned through my time there how to be more open and vulnerable with people. It is an opportunity I wish everyone could experience. I would say bible school is the closest thing there is to heaven on earth. It was a representation of the community God desires for all of us to have.
Transitioning away from that into the "real world" has been very difficult for me. After that time in my life I moved to a completely different place where I had to meet new people who never experienced that type of community or friendship. It has been difficult to make friends and relate to people after having very raw and real friendships. It is hard to make friendships where it feels like everyone is being fake.
So often in our day-to-day life I also feel people being fake by giving rehearsed answers to an actual very real question? People will ask, “How are you?” This bugs me so much. Does anyone else feel the same??
When I go to a place like Starbucks, it goes something like this -
"How are you?”
“Good.”
“How are you?”
“Good."
End of conversation.
I order my coffee and leave.
Some of the time I am not doing “good,” but I am not going to go tell a stranger that. My point to this is that I feel as though everyone always puts on a front. Instead of having that open community where you can share honestly with one another. Instead we have to act perfect 24/7 and thats just not reality. We are not perfect and we are never going to be perfect. We are going to face struggles, trials, hardships, etc. Acting like everything is alright all the time isn't going to fix whatever you're facing. I feel there's a better way to go about asking someone how they're doing. For instance saying, "how's it going?" Rather than, "how are you?" If people were really honest they wouldn't say good, but we have become rehearsed to say good no matter what. I am not saying that you need to have a heart to heart with your barista, I mean if you feel called to do so, go for it. But what I am saying is that IT’S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY ALL THE TIME.
We don't have to put up this front 24/7, especially with the people that we love and care for. We should be able to be real with them and tell them how we truly feel. In return they should allow us to feel the way we do. If it’s a true friendship you should be able to express how you truly feel and not be judge for it. During my time in bible school I learned that.
For a certain amount of time, it is important to grieve, be angry, cry or just have a bad day, but don’t forget that you are allowed to pick yourself back up after a certain amount of time. If we can never express how we are feeling, it’s going to get all bottled up and we explode. That is what happens to me and it’s not healthy. We should be able express how we feel. It is healthy and normal to express how you feel, and if your feeling not 100% that is OKAY.
We are all fighting a battle. We are all facing stuff and going through things that nobody's knows about or will understand in the same way that you do. But Jesus does! If we can’t talk to someone about life, you don't have a friend nearby, or maybe you don't even feel like you have any friends, you do. Jesus is the friend you can go to and talk about anything with or cry your eyeballs out to because you feel like no one gets how you’re feeling. There was a time in my life when I had no one I could talk too. That’s when I fully learned to put my whole dependency upon Christ and there’s so much peace in that. It is hard and it isn’t easy, but He will be your friend, your comforter, and the peace to get you through whatever you are facing. He knows exactly what you need and He never puts you in a situation that you cant handle. When you know you have a God that is that personal, wants what’s best for you, and He loves you so much its unexplainable- it’s that good! You know He's got you even when “you don't feel it” or you had the worst day ever or you feel like you just keep sinking and sinking. You can get through this. I promise you. It might mean many nights crying out to God or lonely feeling days, but you can get through whatever you’re facing because Christ lives in and through you if you are a Follower of Jesus Christ.
Just take each day at a time. I am preaching to myself because I am facing this struggle everyday to remind myself that it's okay not to be okay all of the time, but you got to keep going and picking yourself up. Remind yourself that the Lord has got your back and knows every struggle, trial, heartache and hard things that you are facing in life. He faced the ultimate sacrifice and knows your hurt and your pain, because He went through it all.
These verses really helped when I was in that rough time:
But now, thus says the Lord, your Creator, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! 2 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you. 3 “For I am the Lord your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I have given Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in your place. 4 “Since you are precious in My sight, Since you are honored and I love you, I will give other men in your place and other peoples in exchange for your life. 5 “Do not fear, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, And gather you from the west. 6 “I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ And to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring My sons from afar And My daughters from the ends of the earth, 7 Everyone who is called by My name, And whom I have created for My glory, Whom I have formed, even whom I have made.” - Isaiah 43:1-7 NASB
Also this song I'll Find You by Lecrae ft. Tori Kelly has REALLY encouraged me I definitely recommend listening to it!